


Screaming Not-Fun

by Jennistar



Category: Saturday Night Live, Saturday Night Live RPF, Saturday Night Live Sketches, Weekend Update (SNL)
Genre: Fluff, Humor, I Don't Even Know, Jealousy, M/M, Pre-Relationship, bald cats, lubricated bears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 08:37:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18937348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jennistar/pseuds/Jennistar
Summary: Stefon's got a newfriend.Seth's ready for war.





	Screaming Not-Fun

**Author's Note:**

> I'm - what - six years late to this fandom?  
> If it helps, Stefon probably counts being six years late to something as _fashionably late_.

Stefon's got a new _friend._

Which is fine, of course, Stefon's got lots of friends and some of them are even halfway to normal. _Seth's_ his friend. Stefon's a sociable person. So it's fine.

Except that this guy is _cool_. Like really cool. He somehow walks the fine line between Stefon's idea of cool, which is insane, and a normal person's idea of cool, which is swagger-into-the-room-in-a-leather-jacket-and-ask-where-he-can-park-his-Harley cool. And his name is Max Power. Like that's literally his name. He didn't change it to that. He was _born_ with that name.

Max Power is tall, well built, he has a square jaw line. He's got thick grabbable hair and perfect stubble. He wears tight jeans and a leather jacket and some Stefon-like clothing which somehow on him just looks hip and enigmatic. 99% of all people fancy him upon sight.

Max Power is apparently so influential that Stefon has somehow managed to inveigle him into this week's Weekend Update with zero issues. When Seth asks his producer about it, she shrugs and says, “He's just so _cool_ , Seth. Plus he's basically another Stefon, and the audience loves that. Our ratings hit the roof with Derek Zoolander.”

Derek Zoolander. A name that still sets Seth's teeth on edge. Derek actually turned out to be an all right guy in the end (once Stefon got bored of using him to make Seth jealous) and they had quite a nice chat at the after show drinks, but that still doesn't mean Seth doesn't want to rip up every magazine he sees with Zoolander's face on.

The worst bit is, Stefon doesn't seem to actually be using Max Power to make Seth jealous – he seems to genuinely like him. It's _Power_ who is staring at Stefon like he's late to a tea party and Stefon is the only chocolate eclair left on the plate. Seth is halfway convinced that if he wasn't here, Power would have his hands down Stefon's pants by now. And Stefon is focusing at least 95% of his attention on Power. Which is fine, because he's the guest. And you focus on the guest. So it's fine. But Seth is used to 100% of Stefon's attention at all times, and now he feels like he might as well be part of the world map sitting behind them, that's how useful he is. Stefon and Power have taken over the conversation, comparing all of New York's hottest (and weirdest) clubs with easy familiarity, and all Seth can do is sit there is stunned silence, watching their rapport.

It's only when he butts in to wrap it up that Stefon looks at him at all, and it's with a slightly startled expression, like he forgot Seth existed. Max Power, of course, is smirking all over his horrible, handsome face.

Seth flees back to his dressing room and kicks his bin over in frustration.

 

The problem, of course, is that Seth shouldn't even be feeling jealous. Stefon and he are just friends, even if Seth sometimes (often) lies awake at night remembering that silly St Patricks Day kiss in dazzling technicolour. And he has a girlfriend (who seems to kind of hate him at any given moment, but still). And he's not gay (...Much).

But at the after show drinks, when Power once more monopolises Stefon's time and they talk at each other so fast that they trip over most of their words, Seth has to admit it to himself – he's jealous. He's kind of a bit livid actually. And for no reason. He and Stefon always made a bit of an odd pair, Stefon makes an odd pair with _most_ people, but he seems to have clicked with Power. Which is nice, right? Except that Power keeps throwing smug looks over at Seth, which makes Seth think maybe his intentions aren't completely honourable with Stefon, which makes him want to defend Stefon's honour, which is stupid because Stefon is a grown man and Seth's just his friend. And so it goes round.

Also, people keep coming up to him and asking if he's upset Stefon. Because they're not talking, and usually they spend every after show drinks (well, the ones with Stefon as guest) huddled in a little corner away from everyone else, flirting outrageously. Also, why does everyone always think it's Seth who's upset Stefon whenever they have a spat? Why can't Stefon have been the one doing the upsetting?

Seth knows why really. It's because Stefon's adorable and Seth is kind of a dick.

He really wishes he was huddling in a corner flirting with Stefon right now. That always makes him feel better.

It's when Stefon seems to actually be making moves to leave the bar with Max Power that Seth finally motivates himself to do something – in fact he almost falls off his barstool to do so, grabbing hold of Stefon's arm.

“Stefon I – I thought you'd like a lift home?”

Stefon blinks at Seth, as if he's forgotten about him _again_. Which at this point is just insulting, because Seth is 99% sure Stefon isn't faking it (you can never be 100% sure with Stefon, he is an expert at throwing you a curveball at the most random times), and if he isn't faking it, then he actually did forget about Seth. Twice. Because he was talking to Max Power.

“Oh sorry,” says Stefon cheerfully. “Me and Max are going to _Shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap._ It's New York's hottest club, it's got – ”

“Come on, Stefon, we don't want to miss the headless nuns,” Max interrupts, taking Stefon's other arm and locking eyes with Seth. There is a silent stand-off, which of course Stefon misses completely. “They only appear between 00:00 and 00:01 every second Saturday of the month,” Power explains, voice dripping with threat.

“Haha,” says Seth weakly, feeling oddly like he's lost, and some of his feelings must show on his face, even though he always tries his best for that not to happen, because Stefon takes his arm out of Power's grip to give Seth's hand a little squeeze.

“Next week,” he says. “Promise.”

And then they're both gone.

Seth goes back to the bar and orders a triple vodka.

 

One good thing about Seth – and really, he figures there's probably only about three things good about him in total and one of them is having a nice smile which he's not sure counts – is that after a short time moping, he always shakes off the melancholy and does something about it. Actually, it's probably his finest quality, this inner call to action.

Within a few hours, he has lined up several really, very odd blogs about New York nightlife to read, and he's ordered multiple magazines which have front covers that look exactly like Stefon's favourite shirt.

Seth's going to be an expert on weird New York culture by next weekend or so help him.

 

He bides his time on the next Weekend Update, acting just like he always would, and there is no Max Power in sight this weekend (apparently he's off writing a very exclusive article for a very exclusive unnamed magazine about a very exclusive club. Seth is sure that sentence is mostly bullshit) so he has Stefon's undivided attention again, and it's halfway through one of Stefon's rambles about midgets that he interrupts.

“Have you heard of _ChuckleChuckleChuckle_?” he says.

Stefon is successfully and utterly derailed. “I – what?”

“It's New York's hottest club,” explains Seth. “Located in an abandoned bookshop constantly on fire, this hate-filled nightmare is the brainchild takeover of so-called forgotten King Henry the Ninth, and it finally answers the question 'You ate what??' And this place has everything – bald cats, glittery buttplugs and that one dude from the lift at work who presses every button on the way down and then tells you all his problems as you plummet down in a metal encased hellbox. Make sure you stop by after 2am, because that's when they release the lubricated bears.”

Seth takes a deep breath – how does Stefon talk that fast all the time? - and looks over at Stefon. Stefon is looking at Seth like he just reached across the desk and slapped him with a wet fish. If his jaw dropped any lower it would fall off his face entirely.

“Did you know about _ChuckleChuckleChuckle_?” Seth prompts.

“Uh,” says Stefon, breathless. “Nope.”

“It's a new club,” says Seth. “But the hottest. According to _Screaming Not-Fun._ ”

 _Screaming Not-Fun_ was the most colourful, eccentric and frankly terrifying of the magazines Seth ordered. It gave him nightmares for days.

Stefon's hands rise to his mouth. “You read _Screaming Not-Fun?_ ”

Seth shrugs nonchalantly. “Occasionally.” It's not exactly a lie, but he's probably never going to read it again, and if he does, he's going to skip page 43 _entirely_.

It's worth it though, all of it was, because Stefon lowers his hands and looks at Seth like it's only the cameras stopping him from climbing straight into Seth's lap, and even then, only just. Seth really shouldn't push this any further but –

“So, want to go on Friday?” he asks.

“ _Yes_ ,” says Stefon and flings himself into Seth's arms.

Time's up and the cameras pan away, but not before Seth throws a triumph look at them.

He's fairly certain that somewhere Max Power is sitting back and applauding him.

 

 

 


End file.
